You will be SO stuffed up.. and an update on hormonal rage...

No one told me that I would wake up every day thinking, "Dammit, I'm getting a cold - I can't even breathe."  Turns out though, I wasn't getting a cold.  No, no... I was just 'stuffed up' every morning.  And if you think that sucks, wait until you actually DO get that cold.  I had a "little head cold" for over three weeks.  I wish I could have kept track of the number of times/day I blew my nose.  It's hard to tell if you're feeling better when every morning you wake up unable to breathe. 

Now... mix not being able to breathe, with hormonal rage.  I can even do it mathematically now:

(breathe) + Rage = waking up at 3:00 am angry beyond all reason.  Sometimes, the result was waking up my extremely patient other half to tell him how mad I was that I couldn't breathe.  If I can't sleep, neither can he. 

I will point out at this time, that my other half is a saint.  He is beyond patient, puts up with my craziness, gives in to some of my cravings, but reels me in when he knows I'm being completely ridiculous. 

Perhaps this whole blog should've focused on hormonal craziness... My latest whack job experience, thanks to the wonderful world of hormones, was leaving the house in tears because the other half didn't put the keys on the key rack, where I like them to be kept.  It's a pet peeve, and he's trying to work on it.  On those mornings when I'm going to work or an appointment, it's instant anger and frustration.  If I have to look for more than about 10 seconds, consider the entire day shot.

I would tell you about how ridiculous my hormones made me on the weekend, but I think it would get me a free ticket to the loonie bin, so instead I'll sign off.  

Oh the Hormones...

So we all know the horror stories of becoming just a wee bit over-emotional when expecting.  BUT... did you know... It's not so much just being a little over-emotional.  No, no.  Before I was pregnant, I had visions of my eyes welling up with tears when one of those heart-warming Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints commercials came on the TV.  I thought maybe I'd cry a little harder in movies.  But no.  Hormones are amazing things.. They are so much stronger than I would ever have given them credit for before a few months ago. 

My first hormonal experience was more laughable than anything else - I was having coffee with my mom at her farm, just chatting away about nothing, and she looked over and said, "Are you okay?  Why are you crying?" -  (No doubt she was scanning the last couple minutes of conversation to find whatever had set me off) - My response? - "Nothing.  I'm fine.  I don't even feel sad.  I have no idea why I'm crying.  No idea."    In my mind thinking, "Okay, hormones, seriously... you are ridiculous."

Unfortunately, not all hormonal episodes are laughable.  I turned into a bit of a hermit.  Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a very sociable, very outgoing person.  I like to be around people, and I like smiling.  ("I like smiling; smiling is my favorite" - thanks Will Ferrell in 'Elf').  This changed once I was expecting.  I hardly talked to anyone, dreaded answering the phone, stopped going out to things I normally would not have missed, (hockey games, Christmas events in the community, etc.).  Of course, I was soooo excited about the little person that I was growing inside me, and loved sharing that news, but I prefered if I didn't have to do it out in public.  Basically, I wanted everyone to F off. 

Besides being a hermit, I became extremely short-fused.  All it took was one wrong look, one phrase taken the wrong way and wow... I was mad.  Not even mad though... I was PISSED.  I was so angry that I had tears.  You know that kind of mad that you can't talk about when someone asks you because if you even consider talking about it, your head will explode into snakes like Medusa?  Yah, THAT kind of mad.. about nothing.  I should've written down at the time exactly what teeny, tiny little things made me fly off the handle.  I think that's where the hermit-like persona came from - fear of losing my snot over absolutely nothing, and on people that I would regret losing it on. 

And the tears... oh, the tears... I would stay in the house for days because I couldn't stop crying.  Why was I sad?  Umm... looking back... I have no idea.  If I was expecting a friend to call because she said she would, and then she didn't, I felt like it smashed my heart into pieces.  I was absolutely devastated if I didn't get invited to a hockey game, even when, (see earlier hermit-dedicated paragraph), I didn't actually want to go to the hockey game... I just wanted to be invited to it. 

I'm sure I'll have a whole lot more to say in the next few months about hormones, but so far, in the first three months the power of the hormones was the worst.  I'll keep you posted though...